Ever hear the phrase “Cheer up! Things could be worse.” Of course, we all have. It’s designed to guilt trip you into gratitude (be grateful for what you’ve got). And it’s very effective. Lately though when I hear this trite phrase, I think, “yea things could be worse, but they could be better, a hell of a lot better.”
I never once thought I’d be a participant in a subconscious mixed martial arts match. But here I am. An unwilling participate in a sort of internal struggle that has me in knots.
This all began with gratitude. Don’t misunderstand, I’m truly grateful for what I have, no question. However, I have done and feel I can do much better. I’m not speaking creature comforts (though there is something to be said for those). I’m talking about a better career that generates enough resources to help with the needs of family/friends, philanthropic endeavors, etc. (Think Maslow’s Hierarchy and way, way beyond). Additionally I want a career that contributes to the good of society.
This conflict instigates from my gratitude battling with my attitude. My positive attitude has started to fade with the thought that I can do better (but have not). This is affecting my subconscious, causing my ever-present gratitude to be tremendously pissed at my attitude for slouching. It should be an easy resolution right, be grateful with a positive attitude while pursuing higher goals. Well, it’s a little more complex than that.
The reality is all of my pursuits have stalled as the enthusiasm for life fades. Negative thoughts of me being fucked are creeping into my subconscious and are indirectly dictating my actions. I’ve lost my swag, moxie, mojo, hutzpah, libido, piss and vinegar, you name it, and it’s gone. Fucking gone, fuck.
This time around, meditation, positive affirmations, diet/exercise and shit like that, aren’t making it. The only fix is going to be to develop the true belief that I will succeed. I have not been capable of achieving this on my own, so it’s Haus of Clarity therapy time.
Take away: Thoughts are very powerful. Learning to control them is not easy but you must. Don’t be afraid to seek help. There are times when you need someone to help you sort things out. Limbo is no place to hang a shingle (it’s Dante’s first ring of hell). And finely, you’re never really “totally” fucked; you only THINK that you are.
Be strong, be well,
‘The owl of Minerva spreads its wings only at the falling of the dusk.”
Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel