Subconscious Scrap

Ever hear the phrase “Cheer up! Things could be worse.” Of course, we all have. It’s designed to guilt trip you into gratitude (be grateful for what you’ve got). And it’s very effective. Lately though when I hear this trite phrase, I think, “yea things could be worse, but they could be better, a hell of a lot better.”

I never once thought I’d be a participant in a subconscious mixed martial arts match. But here I am. An unwilling participate in a sort of internal struggle that has me in knots.

This all began with gratitude. Don’t misunderstand, I’m truly grateful for what I have, no question. However, I have done and feel I can do much better. I’m not speaking creature comforts (though there is something to be said for those). I’m talking about a better career that generates enough resources to help with the needs of family/friends, philanthropic endeavors, etc. (Think Maslow’s Hierarchy and way, way beyond). Additionally I want a career that contributes to the good of society.

This conflict instigates from my gratitude battling with my attitude. My positive attitude has started to fade with the thought that I can do better (but have not). This is affecting my subconscious, causing my ever-present gratitude to be tremendously pissed at my attitude for slouching. It should be an easy resolution right, be grateful with a positive attitude while pursuing higher goals. Well, it’s a little more complex than that.

The reality is all of my pursuits have stalled as the enthusiasm for life fades. Negative thoughts of me being fucked are creeping into my subconscious and are indirectly dictating my actions. I’ve lost my swag, moxie, mojo, hutzpah, libido, piss and vinegar, you name it, and it’s gone. Fucking gone, fuck.

This time around, meditation, positive affirmations, diet/exercise and shit like that, aren’t making it. The only fix is going to be to develop the true belief that I will succeed. I have not been capable of achieving this on my own, so it’s Haus of Clarity therapy time.

Take away: Thoughts are very powerful. Learning to control them is not easy but you must. Don’t be afraid to seek help. There are times when you need someone to help you sort things out. Limbo is no place to hang a shingle (it’s Dante’s first ring of hell). And finely, you’re never really “totally” fucked; you only THINK that you are.

Be strong, be well,



‘The owl of Minerva spreads its wings only at the falling of the dusk.”

Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel


18 thoughts on “Subconscious Scrap

    1.’s going well, thanks for asking. I could use a vacation, I’m falling off my once a week posting pace. It is always good to hear from my Sweden friend. It keeps me going. Thanks V!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Thoughts can be controlled I suppose but if they are not endangering you or anyone else I don’t see the point. Thoughts and emotions are like clouds in the sky. They come and go in their own cyclical rhythm. Why put any effort into dismantling them when they will leave of their own accord or you can just ignore them.

    When I come to times like these…. which oddly enough I seem to be going through now…jinx…. I just take it easy on myself. I allow space for acceptance. I TRY not to criticize myself, where I am, what I’m going through, any of it. Knowing this is just a downturn and eventually the upturn will come and hopefully when it comes it comes in giant waves of splendor. As long as I have hope and courage and love. What else can be asked of me…. right? You may think you can do better and maybe if all cylinders and all the right things aligned you could and would….but the fact that you didn’t means it wasn’t meant to go that way. Why not just have patience with yourself? As you would a young child or a loved one? Right. No one has to run themselves into the ground to prove they are deserving. I mean I know people do, but that is just so very extreme.
    But….I know nothing… ❤️😉

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