A Ghost

Do not know how or why I woke up from this, did not want to, was not supposed to. I should not be here, but I am. Think what you will, but know suicide solves nothing. IMG_20170312_161137474_HDR

This photo looks like the morning after the night before. In all reality it is what happens when Ambien and vodka are mixed.  At the time, winter 2016, I was back in the Midwest (I survived Tucson) and was working at an absolute soul-crushing job. I did not fit in, as usual and nobody at this new job liked me ( I could tell because they only spoke to me when they had to). I was way over qualified; they knew it and the training could not have gone worse. I was doing the antidepressant dance. The one where you see a doctor multiple times trying a different pharmaceutical combination until you find one that works. The problem was, I found out later from my current Doctor, Dr. Jeremy Crosby. I credit him with saving my life by the way, that you can sabotage your own treatment, plus genetics also play a major roll.

Dr. Cosby says, “There are two categories of reasons that antidepressants stop working. The first category includes the obvious things such as stress, substance use/abuse, changes in diet and exercise, etc. The second category is that Genetic mutations impair the biochemical pathway (i.e., pipeline) through which the neurotransmitters are manufactured, and the system becomes less and less effective at producing the full amount that the brain needs. In addition to the mutations, when a person exceeds their own stress threshold, it creates a situation where their brain can no longer cope (both psychologically and regarding the brain’s ability to function properly).

I of course was guilty on both counts. So the take away is this: you are responsible for you own well-being ie… you make your own trouble most of the time. You have to meet your medication half way for it to be effective. Remember this during the holiday season and be kind to yourself. And what the hell be nice to others as well, tis the season after all.

I will have much more about Dr. Crosby and the very effect treatment for my PTSD/Depression problem that he has found. More detail about all my posts can be obtained if you become a Patron (I name names etc.…)

Enjoy the Holidays!

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